depressed

Life's not easy...i realise i'm beginning to look at the more pessimistic and the darker side of reality. i'm not just refering to BGR

i started to take things easy...putting the relationship issue aside..
my decision is not to do anything...i've been putting too much effort into this r/s..if i am not worth for him to do anything as well when he's back, den i assume i'm just another her...its easier said than done...But i'm losing confidence in everything now.
i have alot other things bothering me..i dun like doing reality checks...

i used to tear alot...maybe i ran out of them..

i wished for nothing...i just wanna be happy...be y does it seem so intangible now...
i feel like hurting myself at times hoping all these could end..but im scared of pain..i faint at the sight of blood...

i'm such a failure...

now i just wished that i could just start school soon...when studies and work jam up all those nonsense rubbish that is haunting me...

i'm ok..dun bother to check if i'm still alive...I will be...
i just need to get this mindset of mine outta my brain and i'll be fine..need some time for isolation from this cruelty and practical lifestyle of human beings